When Gratitude is Hard (And Why We Should Do It Anyway)
- Wynne Stallings
- 15 hours ago
- 5 min read
Sometimes gratitude feels like hauling bricks. Being grateful anyway does seem to lighten our load.
It’s November, it’s National Gratitude Month, and we’re rolling straight into the holidays—making plans, and for some of us, feeling like the plans are making us! Most of us celebrate Thanksgiving with friends, food, family, and, yes, football. (Yes! Football!) We hear reminders everywhere to “count our blessings,” to slow down, and to tell people we appreciate them. It’s a feel-good time of year, right?
But not all of us always feel so good this time of year. This is common, and it can also be helped. So, from a mental health perspective, what is the deeper value of gratitude? How does it shift our stress, our relationships, or even the way we think and feel?
Good questions? Let’s take a look.
Gratitude for When the Going is Really Hard
Some of you may have experienced a similar situation as I have recently, struggling to put down lingering resentments over situations that ... let me be honest ... just really hurt. Of course, as a therapist I know what to do about resentment. But I'm human just like everyone else. Sometimes we just don't want to do what we know is good for us to do. We just don't! Can we all get real and admit that about ourselves?
However, resentment is a festering infection of our souls and our mental health. It prevents us from enjoying life. This is not good. For me, I had finally had enough of what kept brewing in my soul. It came time for me to practice what I preach.
So this fall I took my own advice and I started a daily gratitude journal. Nothing fancy. Just a notebook, a pen, and a commitment each morning to write down what I was genuinely grateful for. Not because Thanksgiving was coming or I needed a post for National Gratitude Month, but because I needed to actively retrain where my mind was too often landing and lingering.
And no, lightning bolts didn’t illuminate the sky. I didn’t suddenly see rainbows, roses, and butterflies. No immediate gratification. (Bummer, right?)
But I can say something more solid started to happen.
Bit by bit, I have noticed:
• More compassion and grace for others, and for myself
• More patience when I'm forced to wait
• More openness to the future and less rumination of the past
• More acceptance and perseverance during difficulty
• More "role reversal", or seeing life from others' points of view
Wisdom from Workaholics Anonymous suggests that a shift happens when we learn to “want the life we have” instead of obsessively striving to “attain the life we want.” That hit home. Gratitude became an addition to my daily practice that refocuses my mind toward what is going well, not wrong.
A Spiritual Anchor Point
The greatest benefit I’ve seen so far is a deeper recognition that there is a God of this universe who loves me unconditionally. This God walks with me through my pain and missteps with compassion and patience. I cannot fix my problems solely on my own, and it isn’t appropriate to expect anyone else to fix them either. God is reliable, restorative, and ever-present.
Knowing I have that unfailing spiritual backup is helping me take life more in stride, roll with the punches, and show more grace. I’m increasingly living out the condensed version of the first 3 of the AA 12 Steps: “I can’t. God can. I think I’ll let Him.” So I don’t try to control. And then I do let Him have His way. And I’m more relaxed as a result. Not bad.
But don’t just take my word for the value of a gratitude practice. There is solid clinical research showing just how transformative gratitude can be.
What Does the Research Say?
The Mental Health Benefits of a Gratitude Practice
When we pause and notice something good—even something tiny—our whole body breathes easier. Gratitude gently nudges our nervous system out of fight-or-flight and into a steadier, more grounded place.
Those small moments of “Hey, this is actually okay” can soften the rumination spiral. Gratitude adds weight to the positive side of the scale when our minds stay too long in the negativity.
A simple gratitude practice disrupts the catastrophizing loops and helps anchor us back into the present moment, where we only have to focus on what is in front of us.....not stuck rueing the past or projecting the future.
As we continue to notice small, steady experiences of safety or pleasantry, our nervous system slowly learns new pathways. Gratitude becomes a gentle way to remind the brain that not everything is a threat. We can relax and approach life with more lightness and less looming.
Noticing what’s working—even in hard seasons—builds our capacity to handle stress. Gratitude helps us “bounce back” a little quicker and a little steadier.
This holds true whether you’re in your 20s or your 60s—gratitude builds resilience at any age.
Focusing on something positive at the beginning or end of the day helps the mind settle down. Cortisol settles, thoughts quiet, and rest becomes more available.
When we include ourselves in the gratitude—“I showed up for myself today” or “I tried my best”—shame loosens its grip. We start to see our weaknesses with softer eyes.
Gratitude naturally opens emotional space for understanding and connection. It reduces defensiveness and increases empathy, making communication feel safer and easier.
A grateful mindset nudges us toward choices that care for our bodies: moving more, sleeping better, eating with intention. It’s a gentle motivator rather than a harsh one.
Every small moment of gratitude becomes a reminder that life isn’t only pain or disappointment. Over time, these moments make room for hope, joy, and possibility again.
Closing Thoughts
Gratitude isn’t a magic trick, and it doesn’t erase the hard things we carry. But it does soften the edges. It opens the heart a little. It gives the mind a break from the weight of what’s wrong so we can clear mental space to see things that are right.
If you want to explore gratitude this season—not perfectly, not all at once, but gently and consistently—I’d love to walk alongside you. The holidays bring joy, grief, longing, stress, painful memories, and maybe hope. You don’t have to navigate your feelings alone.
You can book a session anytime through the SoulSpring website or call/text 561.223.8203.
Let’s find out what our work together can bring.
Wynne Stallings LMHC CAP QS is a Psychodramatist-in-Training and works primarily with adults who present with C-PTSD, narcissistic abuse, codependent relationships, and family estrangement issues. She values spirituality, personal agency, and supportive healing communities for her clients' mental health.
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