Making Effective Communication Your Business
It's been said that the key to a good relationship is effective communication, but not everyone knows how to do that. We are here to help with that!
Communication and Relationships
"You never take out the garbage"
"You always try to put me down"
"I can't stand you."
Has your mother ever told you, 'it's not what you say, but how you say it?' Well, psychologists are now agreeing with your mother. According to an article in familylife.com, communication is the number one issue in marriages and relationships.
More often than not, when I ask couples the reason they sought out counseling, the answer that I receive is "our communication." My next question is always, "what happens when you try to communicate?" This question seems to open the floodgate to our fears, inadequacies, triggers and unhealed traumas. We hear through our respective lenses, and oftentimes, we respond and communicate through the same lens.
Identify Your Communication Style
Dr. John Gottman named four horsemen of conflict: criticizing, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt. These four horsemen lead to a destructive communication style and involve things like turning every conversation into a courtroom battle where someone either wins or loses, or choosing not to communicate by walking away, hanging up or otherwise removing yourself from a discussion (yes, not communicating is a destructive communication style!).
The good news is that great communicators are not born, but made. Recognizing your destructive communication pattern is not enough. According to Gottman, to drive away destructive communication and conflict patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones. Learning to communicate effectively is a skill that can improve your relationships throughout all facets of life. We all have a need to be heard. Essential to meeting that need is the ability to deliver our message in a way that ensures the listener receives it in the way it was intended.
Let Us Help You Communicate
If you find yourself stuck in an endless loop of destructive arguing, find that you are never able to truly resolve conflict, or are continually frustrated that you are often misunderstood, listen to you mother, or to Lee Brown who said "communication is the key to success in any business." Make effective communication your business!
Thank you so much to #teamsoulspring counselor Marie Labranche for her contributions to the content of this article.
